My Physical Deterioration

I battle hoarding, depression and alcoholism every day.  Each of  these conditions merit explanation on their own. For now I will focus on my physical deterioration due to the hoard.

I was laying on the floor on my cushion, the remains of my swivel chair, when I noticed I could not feel my right toe. I was sober at the time so it was not because of alcohol induced altered sensation.   Because I am a medical professional, I know how to do sensory testing and so I did. I wiggled my toe but could not feel the movement. I moved my toe with my hand and I could not feel either my toe moving or the touch of my hand. I then got a sharp needle and a knitting needle and poked my toe with each, but again no feeling. I thought that lack of sensation in my toe was mysterious, but I had no concern over a toe while at the present, my physician and I was monitoring a more seriousphysical condition.

I was very overweight due intake of drinking and a fast food diet.  As a result my blood pressure  dangerously elevated . Three times I was hospitalized and treated until my blood pressure came down. I was on medication to treat  the hypertension.  I was embaressed on one occasion when a nurse rubbed an area on my arm to prepare for insertion of an interveneous and the swab was black from dirt on my skin. "Oh my!"  she said.  I quickly replied that I had two dogs. She assured me that she understood because she had dogs too but I knew that she knew that I neglected my hygiene. Remember I had no access to water to my tub and bathing was difficult. Sometimes when I was in the hospital I would stuff body wipes in my purse and used them at home until the supply ran out.

Every time I was hospitalized for high blood pressure I woud get encouragement to stop drinking.  I never admitted to drinking but blood tests reveal the damage of excessive alcohol.  The shape of the hemoglobin in the blood which delivers oxygen to the body become altered and cannot do their
 job.  The blood also shows a deficiency in vitamins and electrolytes resulting in malnutrition and
impairment of any body organ that requires electrolyes.  So the physicians knew I drank excessively even though I told them I didn't drink more than a couple of drinks a week.

I hated my obesity. I have a short build so weight piles on the only places that expands outwards making me very round.  I am well endowed and my large breasts rested on my bloated stomach. When I put on weight my chin bloats up like a frog and my belly expands as though I was pregnant. I had a well earned beer belly, and muffin top. When I went out everyone greeted me by looking into my eyes, and then theirs would shift down to the belly. Even though I hated my weight gain, I did not stop to think that my drinking and fast food was the cause. Drinking provided numbness and I had no choice to eat fast food because I had no fridge or stove.

I also sufferred with stomach reflux and the alcohol didn't help. Often at night I would wake up with stomach acid in my throat. On one occasion that this occurred I had a whispered raspy voice because the acid burned my vocal cords.  This condition was dangerous because I was at risk of aspiration of  stomach acid into my lungs.

Every time I went to the doctor or was in the hospital to treat my hypertension I  mentioned that my toe had no feeling and it was always brushed off by them with a shrug and a reminder to stop drinking.  My next blog will describe further deterioration and spread of  altered sensation.